Tuesday, November 24, 2009

the real me

Last night we made every attempt to watch the Vega Longhorn basketball teams in full court action.  However, Ms. Cydney was having no part of it.  I tried to bribe her with a huge ring pop...NOPE, she threw it down.  Second time would be a charm...NOT REALLY!!  She was pooped and we headed home.  After a much needed bath, to remove lots of sticky sucker, we curled up in the rocking chair for the rest of the evening.  The house was quiet and dark...me and Cyd all alone.

She was asleep only a few minutes into our snuggling which gave me plenty of time to catch up on Twitter and do some blog reading.  It's no secret that I am a MckMama lover, and it is no surprise that I absolutely loved her post on being authentic.  I encourage you to head over and read the post in its entirety...it's really good.

With that being said, I am want to share some thoughts on being authentic myself.  As a mother, wife and teacher, I have many not-so-proud moments that I would like to quickly forget and sure not tell the world about.  However, one of things that keeps me plugging away at life is the fact that I know and read about other moms and wives that are going through the same struggles that I go through.  I truly find comfort knowing that I am not alone in this circus called life.

I struggle with finding balance in my everyday life.  Balancing work, kids, household chores, reading, reading my Bible, loving my husband like he deserves, nurturing friendships, etc.  Honestly, I haven't found the place of total peace.  While trying to find that balance, I can become a pretty grouchy mom.  Honestly, grouchy would be a mild word for it.  I can get wound pretty tight.

I have struggled with being authentic for years.  On the outside, I am sure that it seems that I have it all together. That our family has everything one could want/need.  This is true, we are immensely blessed.  We live in a beautiful house, our kids have all they need and lots of things they want, we have plenty of food on the table, we drive nice vehicles, an amazing family, take fun trips, and the list could go on.  Although we are immensely blessed, we still struggle with life. I still struggle!!!

It is frustrating for me that my husband has a job that requires he be there most everyday of the year....holidays and weekends included.  It is something I have had to adjust to, but it ain't easy.  I can't even say that I have adjusted well...there are times when I get angry and want to be like other families that their husband works from 8-5 and off on weekends.  But, I have to do a reality check and remember that I am so thankful for my husband, and how hard he works for our family.  His job has afforded us many blessings over the years.

There are many a day that I want to throw the towel in on my teaching.  I often feel that kids don't appreciate what we are trying to teach them.  That we are trying to prepare them for life outside these walls.  Isn't it parent's job to teach morals, values, responsibility, accountability.  It isn't so!!!  I have a huge enough job raising my three children, let alone the multitude of students in my classroom.  I am so blessed to have them all...each one is so unique.  I just forget to focus on their greatest qualities.

It burns me up that I can't for the love of me keep a picked up house.  While trying to teach my children valuable lessons on life, I end up impatient and being a nag that no one really would like to be around.  I tend to be critical and quick to judge at times.  I  can often be more like a drill sergeant than a loving mother.  Even though I do love my babies dearly!!

I am soooo imperfect.  My heart breaks.  My anger boils.  My tongue says hurtful things to the ones I love the most.  I make many mistakes.

My hope is that by sharing my imperfections and struggles, I can grow through them.  I don't have the all the answers, but desperately wish that I did.  Like MckMama, I feel that blogging about my circus of a life, I can minister to other women going through the same struggles as myself, all the while it really sinking in to me and ministering to myself.  I know that I have read many a blog that has ministered to me.  I am so thankfully for these women that bare their souls.

With that being said, I hope that I have not conveyed that my life is perfect.  I want to be real with you.  I am thankful for God's grace that covers my ugly side of life.  I strive to be more like Jesus each and every day!

Have a blessed day,


Nic said...

Hi, My Name is Nicole if you look me up you can find my picture beside Imperfect =) Thanks for sharing. It's nice to know we are not in this circus of a life alone.

Trench Mommy said...

Good Post! Thanks for sharing this, Amy!

MomBrose said...

I think God honors authenticity. That's why He gave us grace, right? :D Thank you for sharing a few pieces of you :D Have a blessed Thanksgiving!