time

Last night as I crawled into bed, I noticed a Carebridge update from a lady I am following.  Most of the people on Carebridge are terminally ill, usually cancer.  I honestly don't know why I follow them because their stories break my heart.  Their stories have a impact to someone in my life, even if not directly connected to me.

As I was reading her update, she talked about the value of TIME in her life.  For her entire grown up life, she has taken time for granted.  But, her doctors have told her that 2-5 years would be a miracle for her.  Her life has been put into a new TIME perspective.

I laid in my bed sobbing.  I was hoping Robby couldn't hear my sniffles as he was drifting off to sleep.  She is teacher, she is a mom with young "threads," she has an amazing husband that she wants to spend  forever with.  JUST LIKE ME!!!

It really made me think about TIME.  We never know how much of we have left?  What do I do with my time?  Often times we fill every moment of our time with something.  We want to make sure our kids "experience" all of life.  We (as a family) don't want to miss a thing.

What if TIME changed for me?  What if TIME changed for you?  Are you content or satisfied with how your days are spent?  What would you do differently?  What would change?

I would focus less on making sure all the "chores" were finished and spend more TIME with my kids.  Thinking back to yesterday...Carson asked me to listen to his UIL Oral Reading story.  I remembered when he was already tucked in his bed, sound asleep.  Didn't get done.  I was more intently focused on  us cleaning out the car, wiping down windows, scrubbing the carpets because the car was driving me crazy!!!  I know for a fact I missed an opportunity to rock Cydney.

Quit honestly, there are things I so desperately want to change involving how we spend our time, but I just can't make the change happen.  I don't know how.  It all goes back to...we don't want to miss a thing.

TIME could change in the blink of an eye.

love & respect

Robby and I reading the Love & Respect book with our life group.  I have heard very good things about this book and I was very excited to begin the study.  Robby and I have an amazing marriage.  I am so blessed to be married to such a wonderful man.  Every day...I know it!!  Every day...I think I take it for granted!!

Reading each chapter in the book, I am reminded what an awesome marriage we have.  But no matter how much we love each other, and how amazing our marriage is...we have our moments.  I have my moments!!

The book repeatedly (and I do mean repeatedly) talks about the Crazy Cycle.  The wife feels unloved, she reacts without respect.  Without respect, he reacts without love.  And the cycle continues, and the hole gets deeper and deeper!!  In each chapter the stories that are told are sometimes ridiculous.  In my mind I think....come on, woman just get over it!!!  Or, Dude...how could you be so insensitive.

Well...I had my moment!!!  My very own ridiculous moment!!!

In my eyes, sorting the laundry seems like a simple task that I ask my family to do.  Probably every other woman thinks the same thing.  We have a red basket, a dark basket, and light colors/white basket.  But, when I asked Robby to please put his laundry in the right pile (I had a little put out tone with the words)...I was speaking without respect for his decision making to sort the laundry.  AND...it hurt his feelings!!!  In about 2 seconds...I knew I had reacted without respect.  He did not speak back any harsh words, only admitting that he did not know which pile that certain pair of shorts went in and from this point on he would put them in the proper pile.  But my "pink" ears did not exactly hear that!!! I quickly became offended and withdrew to my bed.  I thought...I'll just do it myself!!!  RIDICULOUS!!  I know that now.  I really probably knew it then, but couldn't admit it beyond my pouting.

This, my friends, is the Crazy Cycle!!  And yes...it all started with putting a pair of shorts into the correct laundry basket.  RIDICULOUS!!  But this is a perfect example to me of how easily we jump on that Crazy Cycle.  Luckily, Robby jumps off the cycle, but me...I just pout and would probably keep riding the hampster wheel around and around and around.

Like I said...I am married to an amazing man.  I am so blessed to have him in my life.

Love ya babe!!  Thanks for keeping me grounded...I need it!!!

thankful for the little things

I know that we are ALL for the things in our lives such as health, great family, good friends, healthy children, etc...

Don't get me wrong, I am immensely thankful for all of these things as well.  Do I often take them for granted?  Yes, probably so!!  It is almost as if I "assume" they will be part of my life for ever and ever.  Really, I know that is not true, but I get so caught with life that I fail to stop and count my many blessings. And many they are.  Today, I am thankful the little things in life that get me through each day.

I am thankful for the indescribably amazing smell Cydney has when I pull her from her crib in the mornings.  It is so refreshing.  It is almost as if it awakens my senses, ready to start a new day.

I am thankful for her incredibly messy bedhead.  It is so adorable in the mornings.  I am also thankful it all combs down into precious little curls.

I am thankful for my 15 year old coffee maker that still makes me a cup of coffee each morning.

I am thankful that Calleigh and Carson are old enough to fix their own bowl of cereal in the morning for breakfast.  I am thankful that I get a few extra minutes of sleep, rather than fixing elaborate breakfasts.

I am thankful each of my kids tells me they love me.  No matter how many times I mess up as a mom, my kids are quick to forgive and love me still.

Under all the mounds of laundry that I get overwhelmed with, I am so thankful my kids have cute clothes to wear.  And plenty of them!!  I am thankful we have warm clothes, cool clothes, dressy clothes, and casual clothes.

I am thankful for the laughs that my students give me each day.  Some days, it just saves the day.

I am thankful that Calleigh is growing to care more of her appearance.  Don't get me wrong, I love my sweats and jeans any old day.  But, I love it that some days, she puts the sweats away and wears those really cute clothes in her closet.

I am thankful that Robby got our garage door fixed this week and didn't cost us a dime.

I am thankful that I held out on buying a freezer long enough, that one was given to us.  (Thanks, Josh!)

I am thankful for my church.  I love the family that I have there.  I love their smiles each time I see them. I love the hugs they give.  I love our worship team...they are AMAZING!!!  I love that they give from their heart.  I love our preacher.  He is soooo young, but wise beyond his years.  He speaks the truth.  What I need to hear...even when it steps on my toes!!!

I am thankful for my teacher friends at school.  There are many a day I think I have lost my spunk for teaching, I love seeing their faces each morning.  I love what they are doing for our kids.

I am thankful for my kids teachers.  They have both been blessed with super teachers this year.  In fact, our school is tremendously blessed with many awesome teachers!!

I am thankful for the wonderful day care that Cydney attends.  I truly love the fact that her "teachers" love her as if she were their own child.

I am thankful for Carson's love of sports.  He has truly found something that he really loves and is good at.  I want my kids to find their niche in life.  Sports may not be his life, but it will always be a love for him.

I am thankful for Robby's patience.  This man has unending patience.  Believe me, this is a necessity to living with high strung me.  He loves me despite it all.

I am thankful for sleep in mornings.

I am thankful for Cydney's sweet baby talk.  Not sure what she is saying, but it usually begins with "Momma" and strings along an entire sentence.  So cute!!!

I am thankful for my new blogging friends I have met through this little piece of me.  I am thankful that I share with other women along the same road of life.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.  Today, stop long enough to count your many blessings.  What are the little things you are thankful for.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; 

       his love endures forever.

Psalm 107:1

the real me

Last night we made every attempt to watch the Vega Longhorn basketball teams in full court action.  However, Ms. Cydney was having no part of it.  I tried to bribe her with a huge ring pop...NOPE, she threw it down.  Second time would be a charm...NOT REALLY!!  She was pooped and we headed home.  After a much needed bath, to remove lots of sticky sucker, we curled up in the rocking chair for the rest of the evening.  The house was quiet and dark...me and Cyd all alone.

She was asleep only a few minutes into our snuggling which gave me plenty of time to catch up on Twitter and do some blog reading.  It's no secret that I am a MckMama lover, and it is no surprise that I absolutely loved her post on being authentic.  I encourage you to head over and read the post in its entirety...it's really good.

With that being said, I am want to share some thoughts on being authentic myself.  As a mother, wife and teacher, I have many not-so-proud moments that I would like to quickly forget and sure not tell the world about.  However, one of things that keeps me plugging away at life is the fact that I know and read about other moms and wives that are going through the same struggles that I go through.  I truly find comfort knowing that I am not alone in this circus called life.

I struggle with finding balance in my everyday life.  Balancing work, kids, household chores, reading, reading my Bible, loving my husband like he deserves, nurturing friendships, etc.  Honestly, I haven't found the place of total peace.  While trying to find that balance, I can become a pretty grouchy mom.  Honestly, grouchy would be a mild word for it.  I can get wound pretty tight.

I have struggled with being authentic for years.  On the outside, I am sure that it seems that I have it all together. That our family has everything one could want/need.  This is true, we are immensely blessed.  We live in a beautiful house, our kids have all they need and lots of things they want, we have plenty of food on the table, we drive nice vehicles, an amazing family, take fun trips, and the list could go on.  Although we are immensely blessed, we still struggle with life. I still struggle!!!

It is frustrating for me that my husband has a job that requires he be there most everyday of the year....holidays and weekends included.  It is something I have had to adjust to, but it ain't easy.  I can't even say that I have adjusted well...there are times when I get angry and want to be like other families that their husband works from 8-5 and off on weekends.  But, I have to do a reality check and remember that I am so thankful for my husband, and how hard he works for our family.  His job has afforded us many blessings over the years.

There are many a day that I want to throw the towel in on my teaching.  I often feel that kids don't appreciate what we are trying to teach them.  That we are trying to prepare them for life outside these walls.  Isn't it parent's job to teach morals, values, responsibility, accountability.  It isn't so!!!  I have a huge enough job raising my three children, let alone the multitude of students in my classroom.  I am so blessed to have them all...each one is so unique.  I just forget to focus on their greatest qualities.

It burns me up that I can't for the love of me keep a picked up house.  While trying to teach my children valuable lessons on life, I end up impatient and being a nag that no one really would like to be around.  I tend to be critical and quick to judge at times.  I  can often be more like a drill sergeant than a loving mother.  Even though I do love my babies dearly!!

I am soooo imperfect.  My heart breaks.  My anger boils.  My tongue says hurtful things to the ones I love the most.  I make many mistakes.

My hope is that by sharing my imperfections and struggles, I can grow through them.  I don't have the all the answers, but desperately wish that I did.  Like MckMama, I feel that blogging about my circus of a life, I can minister to other women going through the same struggles as myself, all the while it really sinking in to me and ministering to myself.  I know that I have read many a blog that has ministered to me.  I am so thankfully for these women that bare their souls.

With that being said, I hope that I have not conveyed that my life is perfect.  I want to be real with you.  I am thankful for God's grace that covers my ugly side of life.  I strive to be more like Jesus each and every day!

Have a blessed day,

silver lining

So often we I get bogged down with only seeing the negative in my days, that I fail to see how truly blessed I am.  Man, I know I am blessed...I just forget to make that my focus and the forefront of my thinking.  Mckmama reminded me of this very thing this morning.  We all have draining days and terrible circumstances that try to steal our joy.  But finding the silver lining in these circumstances can often totally change our thinking and attitudes on our circumstances, as well as minister to someone outside our circumstance looking in.  Mckmama challenged us to find the silver lining in today.

I am thankful that I have a job to provide for my family.  Even if it means I have to run a concession stand tonight and miss Carson's first basketball game.

I have an amazing husband that is able to step in and help me out when I have conflicting events on my calendar.

Tonight is the last home football game for this season.  This means...it is the last concession stand.

Tomorrow is a sleep in morning.  I get to be lazy and get up and have coffee in my pj's.  I can rock Cydney for as long as she will let me.

Carson's project made it to school this morning in perfect shape. 

Carson was proud of his project.  He did most of the work on his own and did a very good job.

Robby was able to stay home this morning until we left for school.  This alone can put a smile on my face and a skip in my step.  I love it!!

The kids were absolutely wonderful this morning.  Everyone got ready and took care of their morning chores without hassle and frustration.

We were on time to school. (In fact, while I was dressing Cydney, Calleigh asked "Mom, who are we waiting on this morning?"  Funny, isn't she!!)

My students at school are being great today and working like champs. 

I had a funny conversation with my 1st period class about the differences between girls and boys.  It was a great way to begin my school day...laughing and smiling with them.

I will be getting a new computer in my classroom today.  I am sooo pumped!!!  I am converting to and iMac...good-bye Dell!!

I have an amazing and healthy family.  For that, I am forever grateful!!!

No matter how many times I mess up, I am a forgiven daughter of the most high King!!!

What silver lining can you find in your life today?

Have a blessed day!!!

fearful

For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7

Wednesday evening Calleigh began running a low grade fever.  Nothing to worry you say!!  The Swine Flu has oinked its way into our school and has a fierce hold.  Quit scary at the number of kids that have become ill.  So far the symptoms we are seeing are low grade fever, headache, body aches, oh yeah...and throwing up!! My sweet little niece, Bailey, has been one sick little girl for 7 days now.  Not to mention many of my students.  I sent one home as I type.

When Calleigh began running the fever I did honestly think, here we go.  A little fever did not put a damper on her sense of humor (I am not sure she even realized how funny I thought this was.) Out of the mouths of babes...Robby went to tuck Calleigh in and kiss her goodnight as he always does.  He put his hand on her forehead and was praying for her to feel better.  Part of his prayer..."In the Name of Jesus, Calleigh will be healthy."  Calleigh's response..."In the Name of Jesus, will you please take your hand off my forehead."  Oh Calleigh!!!

Calleigh did wake with a fever on Thursday morning...still low grade.  And actually, she was feeling very well.  Not like most sick children.  My dreams of staying home with a sick child include hours and hours of sitting in the recliner rocking and snuggling because they want their mommy close.  Sick days are when they need their mommy to care for them and hold them....not so much!!!

Out of fear (I am confessing it!), I did not even offer to rock and hold Calleigh on this morning.  As if she had wanted me to rock her...she was busy playing on the computer. Rather, I was bleaching every possible surface in our household, washing all "germy" laundry, and intoxicating myself in a fog of Lysol.  Yes, (I am confessing again!) that I was fearful that Swine Flu had invade our home.  So, no time for soothing and cuddling...germs must go.

Thankfully, Calleigh just had strep throat.  No little pigs at our house!! She did have somewhat of a sinking spell that scared me a bit after our grocery store visit to replenish my stock of bleach, Lysol, vitamins, Tylenol, and Motrin.  However, a dose of Tylenol and antibiotics and she was bouncing around again.  Thank you Lord!!

I am confessing, I am fearful still.  Why is this so hard for me??  I have seen so many kids this week start with strep and a few days later...it's the FLU.  Why is it so hard for me to totally trust that God will protect my family.  Why can't I claim His power for the well being of my children?  I know that He can do it, but my mind wanders back to the what ifs.  ARRGGHHH...I hate this!!  Forgive me Lord for my weakness in showing lack of faith and being fearful.  Thank you for your grace in my weaknesses.

Have a blessed weekend...



PS...Wonder what my students think of the swine flu?  Head over here and check out their thoughts.  But before you do, let me warn you that they do know proper grammar, captalization & punctuation...just choose not to use it!!  I can only battle one thing at a time, and right now it is swine flu.