Thursday, April 07, 2011

if you really knew me

If you really knew me... would know that I struggle with trying to be someone that I really am not.  I want my house to be clean all the time.  Realistically, we are a family of 5 that live in most every corner of our home.  I have to remind myself there will be a day when I wish there was a shoe in the middle of the living room floor, or breakfast left on the island.  I wish my closet were full of clothes that show perfect cuteness.  Realistically, I love wearing t-shirts and jeans, and I can't afford to dress the way I would desire, but am thankfully for my husband that keeps our budget on track (as best he can).  I hate it when he quotes Dave Ramsey "If you live like no one else, later you can live like no one else." Problem is, I am not a very good listener. know my expectations for myself and others are extremely high and often unrealistic.  These unrealistic expectations cause tension when things don't measure up quit like I expect them to. They cause me to become frustrated and angry.  I say things I have to apologize for later, or I just don't say them and pout!!  (Wonder where my kids get it from?) would know I have a passion for seeing my students be successful, but often get bogged down and stressed out with all the things that teaching involves. probably know that I think my husband is the greatest thing in all of the world.  He would not give up on me when we were dating even though I tried on numerous occasions to push him away.  He loves me unconditionally, and he tells me!!!  He is the best part of my day.  He can cure any heartache or stressful day.  He is AMAZING!!!

If you really knew me... know I can't say NO!!  Sometimes I hate it because I do things half-heartedly and wonder why I signed up for this. know that one of my greatest fears in life is losing one of my children.  My kids make my world go 'round.  I hope they know it even in the moments I don't show it. realize that patience is not a virtue that I was blessed with.  I become cranky and irritable when life gets off my timetable and plans don't fall as I had planned they would. might know that one of my greatest desires is to be so efficiently organized.  I would have all of our things in a clearly labeled box, stacked neatly in its perfect home.  There would be no question for my children or husband to know where it is or where it goes.  Then I think of the enormous cost of all of the boxes, and my plan falls apart quickly.  (If you saw the looks of my desk this very moment, you would not think there was an organized bone in my body.)

If you really knew me... would know that I am forever grateful for this life that I have.  I am incredibly thankful to be a chosen daughter of the King.  I wouldn't change a thing about this life (well, maybe 1 or 2 things!)

Be blessed!!                                    Mama’s Losin’ It


SnipeWife said...

I feel as if I DO really know you--everything you said I feel and can totally relate to! Except I stopped at two children. I think if other women were honest with themselves many would agree with you. Koodos for putting it out there! Stopping by from Mama Kat's

Jessica said...

Life would be so much easier if everything was organized. But I think even with all the clearly labeled boxes my family would still be confused where to put things and they would end up on the couch or the kitchen counter

tonya Martin said...

Thanks for sharing amy- love ya lots just the way you are-