A song played at his funeral made me stop and think about about my children and my parenting of my children. The song was titled "Let Me Be Myself" sung by Three Doors Down.
Please would you one time
Just let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
I'll never find my heart
Behind someone else
Of course these are not the lyrics in complete, but these are these are the words that made me stop for a moment...
I don't claim to have all the RIGHT answers to parenting or being the best mom. I do admit that while it is my heart's desire to try to raise responsible children in a fun, safe, and loving home, I often fail at many of the ideals I try to instill in my children.
One of the things that is so hard for me is to let my children fail. I KNOW in my heart that valuable lessons are learned when we are least successful. But, letting my children fail is so terribly hard for me. To make up for this, I poke and prod, and nudge (some would refer to this as nagging) too much.
Is your reading finished? Have you fed the animals? Is your room clean? Is it clean like I expect it to be clean? Have you finished your homework? Can I give you a few tips on reading your poem? Great game today, but let's work on ___. The list could go on.....
Where does all this poking, prodding, and nudging get us??? Frustrated, aggrevated & mad!!!
God created my children very differently, with different strengths, attitudes, interests, and motivations. I am so thankful for this because it is in each of these things that my children are unique and creates the traits that I love about them.
Calleigh is my social butterfly. She loves school, she loves basketball, she loves everything...for the social aspect of it. She doesn't seem super motivated for lots of things outside of her social life. Let me rephrase that...she doesn't seem as motivated as I would like her to be in many of her activites. She is super smart and super talented. She is beautfil and a very sweet girl.
Carson is my sports fanatic. He talks, eats, breathes, and sleeps sports. He know football like you can't imagine an 8 year old would know. He and his dad talk this other "sports" language that I just sit back and giggle about...mainly because I don't have a clue. He is pretty athletic too!! He is pleaser. He wants everyone to be happy and safe.
Cydney...her personality is just beginning to peak. We are super excited to see her unique characteristics begin to develop. Will she be athletic like the other two? Will she love to read like her mom? Will she be calm and laid back like her dad, or high strung like her mom? Will she have a tender heart like Carson, or strong willed and independent like Calleigh? Time will tell!!!
What I take away from this song is that I must allow my children to be the people that God has created them to be, not whom I want them to be. It is so hard to measure up to something or someone that your are not. They may not meet my every expectation, but they will flourish being the person that God has called them. I don't want to dim the light that God has sparked in their lives. They will be able to reach a world that I will not being just who God called them.
I will try to take a step back and let them be themselves.