i want more

As I sat in my living room this evening with a few quiet moments to myself, I decided to delve into a book our pastor has been referencing...Having a Mary Spirit. Well, actually, I just realized, our pastor has been referencing Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. An...y...way....I have had the book for years, covered under papers and who knows what, in my night stand drawer. Over the past week, it has been calling me...you know the lingering voice that will not quiet.

As I begin reading the first lines of the first chapter, I had to look to see if I have authored this book and didn't even realize it.

I have always dreamed of being so much more.

More organized, more disciplined, more loving...

This sounds exactly like something I would say write.

Each year I set these goals, only for them to fade...well, very quickly. I desire to be so much more...a more patient & loving mom, a more challenging & encouraging teacher, a friend that is always there for her girls, a wife that has it all together inside the house & outside the house. I want more. I want more intimacy with the Lord.

The first week begins...I have my planner organized, each child with their own color to distinguish their activities, the menu is planned, the coupons are clipped, the house cleaner has our house in tip-top shape...then life happens!! On Monday we have this, Tuesdays are that, Wednesday, Thursdays & Fridays. The weekends are full of all kinds of activities too! Before I know it, the new goals have gone to the way side and I have shifted back into survival mode, trying to keep my head above water. As the busyness creeps in, I lose that lovin' feeling and every aspect of my life becomes STRESSED!!!

I live in Martha's world. I totally relate to Martha. I AM a Martha. Rather than sitting at the feet of Jesus and being intimate with the Father, I am running circles here and there.

I am so caught up in service for Him that I have missed out on the joy of intimacy with Him.

OUCH!! That was my toes!!

You see, when I fail to have intimate time with my Father, I become stressed with all the busyness in my life. As the mother of this household, when I become stressed, many things begin to crumble. The saying is true "If Mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." So...my intimacy with my Father not only affects my well being, but the well being of the MANY people around me.


So, after reading the first section of the book, I have realized I am in the second book, rather than the first. I am going to journey back to Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. I am so excited to begin this journey of "Developing a Mary Heart." I hope that you will join me. I would love your comments and thoughts throughout the journey.

Until next time...be blessed